Those Crazy Gods and Their Coke Bottles-Chapter 1
by lyni
Summary: What happens when Animorphs, Pokemon, Star Wars, Those Crazy Gods, Harry Potter, and Monty Python get together...


Those Crazy Gods and Their Coke Bottles  
(Only this time the Coke bottles are full...with Pepsi!)  
~Lyni~  
  
Chapter One  
Introducing...The heroes of this story!!  
  

    
    There is a tribe of people who live far out in the deep Kalari desert in Africa. They are the Bushmen. The Bushmen are not a very advanced tribe, but they are happy and peaceful. Until one day... One day, a Bushman called Xi went out for a walk. He heard a noise and looked up. A noisy bird was flying around. Suddenly, a strange thing fell from the bird, and the bird flew away. Xi caught the thing, and studied it. It looked like a stick; it was long and thin, but it felt very smooth, like a rock. On one end of the thing was a sharp object, and when Xi pried it off, some brown water spilled out. Xi had never seen so much water all together in his life; water was very scarce in the deep Kalari. Xi put the thing to his mouth and drank the water. But it didn't taste like water... It was very sweet... Suddenly, Xi felt a burst of energy and started running around like crazy, then stopped, very tired. He stared at the thing, bewildered by it's powers. This thing must be evil, Xi thought, so he must throw it off the ends of the earth! With determination set in his mind, Xi walked off on a long journey, hoping he would be back in time for the next meal. 
    
     *** 
    
     There is a group of people who will not tell you who they are, or where they live. Because if they do, their enemies will find them. And they don't want their enemies to find them, because if they do, well, they just won't let their enemies find them. All they can tell you is that earth is being invaded by aliens...not the cute little aliens like in E.T., nor like the huge monster aliens. The Yeerks are very secretive, and don't want you to find them. They look like slugs, and crawl into people's ear and infest their brains, and take over their body. They've already taken over several alien species, and now they're aiming for earth... His name is Jake. The black, dirty girl wearing cutoffs is Cassie. And next to her, the tall blonde is Rachel. Above her is the boy-turned-red tailed hawk, Tobias. Beside him is the blue centaur-like alien, Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, or Ax. And then there's the short annoying reason of this little get-together, Marco. You may be wondering why this odd group exists. They're trying to save earth-they're the only people who know what's going on. Jake is the leader. Cassie is like the supply for animals-you'll see why they need animals in a sec. Cassie's best friend Rachel, is the let's-go-get-'em-who-cares-about-being-safe person. Tobias. Now there's a long story there. But to make it short, he used to be this wimp, but now he's stuck as a red tailed hawk. I'll explain later. Ax is also a long story, but let's just say he's of the species Andalites, and is stuck with these humans on earth. And then Marco is the short annoying reason of this little get-together. Okay, now you may be wondering how a group of three pathetic humans, a boy-turned-hawk, an alien, and Marco can save this planet. Ax's brother, Elfangor, gave them all the power to morph. Morphing is changing into any animal, by acquiring their DNA pattern by touching them. At first there were four humans and Marco. Then Tobias got stuck in the morph of a hawk, because you can only stay in a morph for two hours-after that, if you don't morph back to your human, Andalite, or Marco self, you're stuck in whatever body you're in. After that, they found Ax. So there's the long story, made into a short version. And now, back to our show... "So, why are we here, Marco dear?" Rachel asked. "Hey, that rhymed," Cassie pointed out. "Really? That was the whole point of it. Otherwise, I would of died before calling Marco a 'dear'. 'Deer' maybe, but never 'dear'."  Ax wondered. "Hey Jake," Marco said. "Ever hear of Pokemon?" "Yeah," said Jake. "Your point?" "Ever met Pokemon?" "No. Your point?" "Guess what?" "What?" "Chapman has." Chapman-he's the school assistant principle. Commonly known around us as a major ranking Yeerk, who infested Chapman's body.  Tobias asked.  Ax wondered. Rachel stared at Tobias, looking shocked. "Tobias!! Do you actually like Pokemon?" Tobias glanced at her, and replied,  "Ah," said Rachel. "Okay, I was getting scared for a minute there." Tobias continued to stare at her. See, Tobias always stares. "Marco, do you really expect me to believe Chapman met a Pokemon?" Jake demanded. "Jake? No. Tobias? I think it was Pikachu."   Tobias exclaimed. "Tobias? Are you sure you don't like Pokemon?" Rachel asked.  Tobias replied. "Marco? What was the point of asking us here?" Cassie wondered. "To see whether Jake believes me. Cause Chapman did meet Pikachu the other day." "Ah." "Marco?" Jake asked. "Where exactly did you get this?" "The other day, I overheard Chapman saying to one of his fellow Yeerks that he met a small, yellow, mouse-like creature with red cheeks and it electrified him."  Tobias argued. "Tobias?" Rachel stared at him, acting worried. "Are you okay?" He stared back.  Ax asked. "Whatever Tobias," said Marco. Jake and Cassie looked at each other, looking scared. "The point is," Marco continued, "that we all know who the small yellow mouse-like creature with red cheeks that electrifies people is."  Tobias muttered.  Ax suggested.  Tobias yelled.  "Exactly!" Marco shouted. Suddenly a cloud of dust appeared in the center of their little meeting, dramatic music started playing, and they heard voices. "Prepare for trouble!" "Make it double!" "To protect the world from devastation!" "To unite all peoples within our nation!" "To denounce the evils of truth and love!" "To extend our reach to the stars above!" "Jessie!" "James!" "Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!" "Surrender now, or prepare to fight!" "Meowth, that's right!"  
    
     *** 
    
     There is a group of people, who are desperately trying to save the world from the Dark Side of the Force. They have been through many adventures, but have survived and stayed together, for three whole movies. Which is pretty good, I must confess. Okay, so I'm assuming all of you know something about the Star Wars story, so I will not give a whole long explanation. I'll just say that in this fanfic, the beginning Star Wars characters will be Luke, Princess Leia, R2-D2, C-3PO, Han Solo, and Chewie. "Luke? We have a problem," Princess Leia said from the front of the Millenium Falcon. Luke appeared in the doorway. "Really? What is it?" he asked. "The hyperdrive's down again. And...we have some TIE fighters on our tail." "Oh boy. I'll go get Han." Luke left and came back a second later with Han Solo and his companion, Chewbacca. Han looked at the controls on his beloved spaceship and groaned. "C'mon Chewie," he said. "We have a problem." Chewie started playing around with some wires while Han tried to figure out what to do. When he finally came to a conclusion, he turned around and said to Luke and Leia, "We're gonna have to make a stop somewhere to get some parts. Radar says there's a nearby planet that we can easily get to and still beat the TIE fighter. I don't know anything about it, but it's worth a try." "So you're just going to try to land on an unknown planet?" Leia demanded. "I've tried that once," Luke said dreamily, remembering his short descent on the swamp planet Dagoba. "It didn't turn out so well." Han looked at him, with a cool look on his face. "Listen, if you'd rather get taken prisoner by the Emperor again, it's fine with me. But I'm going down, whether you like it or not. I can just let you out in an escape pod if you want, but I don't wanna give up." "Okay," Leia confirmed. "Let's go down." The Falcon steered towards a green and blue planet, which seemed to be covered in white clouds and have a lot of water. They were just about to land when the gold human-like droid C- 3PO entered the cockpit. "Excuse me sir, we seem to be entering the orbit of a strange looking planet," he said. "Oh yeah? We didn't know that!" Han shouted sarcastically. "I hate it when he's like this," Leia muttered grumpily. Luke nodded in agreement. When the Millenium Falcon reached the planet, it landed on soft green grass and the door opened. "Wow. This is one strange planet," Luke murmured. "Beep beep bwoop." R2-D2 agreed. They got out and started to look for some decent city or sign of intelligence. Chewie spotted a castle in the distance, and they headed towards it. "Ah! You! Vat ah you doing here?" a voice with a strange accent greeted them from the roof of the castle. "Greetings! My name is Princess Leia Organa. Can we please stay at your...uh, house?" The man whom the voice belonged to peeked over the edge. He had a large mustache and was wearing a metal helmet and gloves. "You vant to come in?" "Yes!" "Oh! Ah am sorry! But ah cannot let you in! Please go avay!" "Excuse me!" Luke interrupted. "I order you to let us in, or you will die, I can promise that! Now-" He was stopped by a sheep that was tossed over the castle wall. He looked up and saw the man. "Attack! Attack!" he was shouting. Tons of farm animals such as horses, cows, and chickens flew over the wall and fell on Luke and his friends below. "Very well then!" Luke shouted. "You shall- mmph!!" A pig fell on him, and Leia and Han rushed to him, trying to pull it off... 
    
     *** 
    
     There are some people who have been traveling for several days, and so far haven't gotten anywhere. The group includes a young boy who's pathetic dream is to become a Pokemon master, a 15 year old girl who is a water Pokemon trainer and hates the young boy because he messed up her bike. The oldest of the group is the kind of boy where every single girl he meets is the prettiest one of them all. Ash, the youngest boy has eight Pokemon badges, and is ready to compete in the Pokemon League. He has captured many Pokemon, such as Pikachu, a Charmander who evolved into a Charmeleon, then Charizard, and many others. Misty, the girl, is raising a Togepi, and has a Staryu, Starmie, Horsea, and the most annoying Pokemon in the world, Psyduck. Brock, the oldest, is a rock Pokemon trainer, but is more interested in breeding Pokemon. He has a Geodude, Onix, Vulpix, and others. And so this small band of friends journey out to become their dreams. Except for Ash, of course, who's pathetic dream to become a Pokemon Master will probably never exist out of his tiny brain. And Brock's dream is as pathetic, because it includes getting a girlfriend, and that we know very well, is very unlikely to happen here on earth... "Hey Misty!" Ash yelled. "Wanna battle?" "Noooo," Misty replied. "I'll just get even more bored of winning all the time." Ash growled at her, but Brock said "She's got a point Ash. You haven't been training your Pokemon very well lately." "Oh, I'll show them," Ash said to himself. And he took one of his Poke balls, and yelled "Charizard, go!" The orange dragon Pokemon came out, asleep as usual. Ash groaned, and tried to pull Charizard up, but all Charizard did was do flamethrower to Ash. Misty and Brock sighed. "Oh, he'll never get it," Misty muttered. Suddenly, Ash spotted a Pokemon he never saw before. It looked a little like a Rapidash, only it was blue and it had a head like a human's. But it had no mouth, and two extra eyes coming out from antennae on it's head. "Wow!" Ash shouted. "There's a cool Pokemon!" Misty and Brock looked up, and saw the strange Pokemon. It was walking down the path, and getting closer to them. "I'm gonna capture it!" Ash yelled, and said "Charizard, go! Flamethrower, now!" Charizard did flamethrower-in Ash's direction. "Oh man, I gotta train Charizard better. Charizard, return! Pikachu, go! Thundershock him!" Pikachu ran behind Ash's legs, and said "Pika, pikachu!" "Oh, c'mon Pikachu! It's not that scary!" Ash tried to comfort Pikachu, but then he saw the Pokemon's tail. It was long, and ended in a sharp blade. "Uh oh," Ash murmured. He thought hard. Which Pokemon could he choose to capture this one? Then he made his decision, and yelled "Lapras, go! Ice Beam, now!" Lapras came out of it's Poke ball, and started Ice-beaming the Pokemon. The other Pokemon seemed to notice it's feet getting frozen solid, so, before Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Lapras's eyes, it started changing! "Whoa!" yelled Ash. He held up his PokeDex, and searched for a changing Pokemon. "Ditto," the PokeDex said. "A transforming Pokemon. No further information." "Oh man," Ash said in frustration. "All right then, Lapras, return. Bulbasaur, go!" But before Bulbasaur could come out, they all heard a voice in their heads.  "Wow!" Brock exclaimed. "A Pokemon that speaks English!" "Meowth and Mewtwo speak English," Misty pointed out. "So this must be a Ditto," Brock murmured. "It can change, and use Mewtwo's powers to speak in telepathy." "Wow," said Ash. "I hafta catch this Pokemon! Bulbasaur, Vine Whip! Pikachu, Thundershock! Squirtle, Water Gun! Charizard-" "No Ash, not Charizard!" Misty yelled. "Oh, all right then. Butterfree, go! Stun Spore, now!" And so Ash's four Pokemon charged the strange Pokemon... 
    
     *** 
    
     There is a school, where many students go to learn. And this is no ordinary school. The students who go there learn seven years of magic. And three of those students have a whole book series written on them! First of all, there's Harry Potter, who's long history is so long, I wish to no explain. Only that he has an enemy who murdered his parents, and whom he wishes to get revenge on any way he possibly can. Then there's Ron Weasly, who was born a wizard and want's to learn to use the telephone, so he can call Harry during the summer break. And then there's Hermione Granger, who is a human, or a Muggle as the wizarding folk say and is not born with any powers. She wants to learn as much as she can, but doesn't have enough time. So our story begins when the three friends are going on a long journey away from their school of magic, Hogwarts. "Hermione, do you have any idea where you're going?" Ron demanded. "Yes, I do. You don't really think I used the wrong spell do you? The title clearly read, "Transportation Outside the Wizarding Realm". We have to be at least in the Muggle World." "Uh, Hermione?" Harry asked. "You couldn't read the 'out' part of the title because Ron spilled his cider on it. Remember?" "Ah yes," Hermione said. "Ron, didn't I tell you to put your cider on the other title?" Ron, whose face was as red as his hair, ignored her comment and said "So, we could be anywhere in the wizarding world?" Hermione looked as if she were thinking hard, and then answered with a short "Yes." Ron groaned, but Harry noticed two cloaked figures up ahead. He pulled out his invisibility cloak, told the two to get under it with him, and they creeped up to the figures to overhear what they were saying. "Ah, at last Master. We will reveal ourselves to the Jedi." "Yes, my apprentice. I can see I have trained you well." "You have, Master, and now I will seek the revenge you wish me to gain." Harry glanced at Ron and Hermione with a fearful look on his face. They glanced back at him with the same look. "What is he talking about?" Ron whispered furiously. "I have no idea..." Hermione said. They listened some more. "Hey," Ron whispered. "I caught the words 'Dark Side'. Maybe this has something to do with you-know-who! Harry, you think so?" "No," Harry said definetely. Expecting a 'yes' Ron looked at Harry in surprise. "Obviously, you two have never seen nor heard of this. I'm actually surprised about you Hermione, but it's expected from Ron." Hermione finally seemed to understand what he was talking about, and nodded. Ron had no clue what they were talking about. "Ron, this scene is from the American Muggle move, Star Wars Episode I. Though I have no idea how the characters came to be here." "You mean we're in a MOVIE?" Ron gasped. "No," said Harry. I think the characters from the movie are in this world." They all looked at each other, with fear in their eyes, when they heard footsteps. The two figures started walking towards them, and were about to step on them... 
    
     *** 
    
     There is some people...okay, I'm getting sick of this intro. The only reason I started it was because it was the intro to the very good movie "The Gods Must Be Crazy!" and it sort of stuck. So I'm just going to go along with the story plot of the next and last introduction to the next and last few characters... A dark cloaked figure was rushing through the forest, searching for some city or town nearby. Eventually he came to a bridge, where a knight dressed in black armor stood. "Halt!" the knight commanded. "For I am the black knight, and thou shall not cross this bridge unless you pay the toll." The cloaked figure looked disgusted. "Hah!" he said. "I shall pay no toll. Now let me pass, and while you're at it tell me where a decent town or city is so that I may travel there." "If thee pay no toll, than thou must fight! To the death!" the black knight shouted. The figure scrunched his nose and muttered an insult, raised his hands and electric power shot from his fingers, and the black knight fell to the ground. The figure continued across the bridge, and came to a group of knights in armor, having a meeting. Behind each knight, there was a servant boy, holding two coconut halves. One of the knights was wearing a crown, and noticed the figure. "Ah! Ye hath arrived at last! Now, tell us your name, and come on our journey to seek the Holy Grail." The figure stared at them, and finally said, "My name is Lord Voldemort. Have you not heard of me?" "I cannot say that I have," said the knight. "But please, join us our worthy quest." "All right, I shall join you," muttered Voldemort. And they walked away, the servant boys staying closely behind each knight and clapping the two coconut halves together. Voldemort sighed, and said "Must they bang those rocks together? What is the point of them, anyway?" "What rocks?" a different knight asked him. "For these are our faithful steed in which we ride upon in battle." He turned up his nose, and muttered "Get up, Spotty." He seemed to be talking to the servant behind him. Lord Voldemort stared at them bewildered, but shook his head and continued close behind the strange knights.  


End file.
